I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
