we're blogging at a bar
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
