Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You ruined the universe
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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