you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
