this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Couch. On fire.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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