yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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