Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
