fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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