He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I puked a lego.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
