every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
