Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
