just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
