You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize