cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
