Need sex. Gaining weight.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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