And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
