Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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