How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Did you pee in the oven last night??
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
