i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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