I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
