Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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