Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
