I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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