Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
the night ended with taco bell and tears
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
