dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
