She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
