He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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