just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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