Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
