so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
