Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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