If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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