The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Randomize
