Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
are you so shy because you have an std?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
This is the prime rib incident all over again
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
