Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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