Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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