she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Bring me that man meat
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
