garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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