Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
