the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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