she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
