I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
