Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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