Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
