My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize