I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Help me help you realize you are a moron
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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