If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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