great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
