Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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