I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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