Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Randomize
