Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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