Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
