I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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