how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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