So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
