Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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