Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
My bed smells like the plague
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
