As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
