FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
