I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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