She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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