All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize