forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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