Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
