whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize